I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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