he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
