I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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