Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
