I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
