So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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