If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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