I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
