apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
