My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
