I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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