I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
