OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the liver wants what the liver wants
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
