i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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