I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
