oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
