haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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