It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
