Your dad touched me again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
