Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
