Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
