nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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