I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
