also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
