No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
