he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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