Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
