so explain again why im purple
no
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
