Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
