Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
