At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
