also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have post one night stand depression
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
