you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
