omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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