2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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