sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
