Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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