that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
