mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
