Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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