Apparently you make a good broom.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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