pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
