i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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