so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
