you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
