the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
