I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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