after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
