did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize