I want you more than these girls want KFC
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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