We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
whose parrot is this?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
