You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
