I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
